


Ruthless is the Heart of the Head That Wears the Crown

by Bruhhhhhhhhhh



Category: The Book I'll Never Write
Genre: Civil War my dudes, How Do I Tag, Monarchy (not really), Reading it over and it sounds hella pretentious, Revolution, The twist at the end surprised me too tbh, leave a comment, my apologies, one shot (for now), over use of commas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 07:51:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19825747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bruhhhhhhhhhh/pseuds/Bruhhhhhhhhhh
Summary: For now, this is just a piece of dialogue that randomly came to me. It picks up in the middle/endish part of a story where there is a constitutional matriarchy in place where everything is run by an elected council because of what was written in constitution however there is a queen. She, however, does not have any true political power the way the council does.She is caught up in a civil war. The leader of the revolution has decided to sneak into her castle under the guise of a new butler with the intention to spy on her and gather any information about the council to try to figure out the best way to dismantle the council without fucking everything up. He gets close to her (however i refuse to let this turn into a love story between them because a) cliché and b) id love a story where the main characters can just be friends) and it is at this point in the dialogue where they acknowledge that they both know who he is and why he's there.So thats the basic backround for that plot though there is so much more id like to write down. Anyways, feel free to read what Ive written however know that it may be confusing because I still need to heavily edit this





	Ruthless is the Heart of the Head That Wears the Crown

**Author's Note:**

> Hey if you like this or hate this, please leave a comment. I would love to hear feedback!
> 
> I have this whole book idea in my head for this and I've been accidentally world building like crazy but it's difficult to write it all down :/
> 
> Also, I am aware I used way too many commas and I apologize for my atrocious grammar. 
> 
> P.S. The dialogue sounds very pretentious (kinda what I was going for) so sorry in advance if it ticks you off

"Are you sulking again, your highness?" Lawrence mocks.

"No. I am actually rather elated over the current state of affairs, Lawrence." I mutter coldly as I catch a glimpse of his subsequent eye roll.

"Forgive me, ma'am but I personally do not feel like validating your pity party on this fine day, so, I shall excuse myself. Have a lovely day." He says, sarcasm dripping from every word.

"Lawrence," He freezes in place as he holds the doorknob, waiting for me to continue, "Let me inform you of something. As you know, we live in a constitutional monarchy, in this matriarchy I am a queen in name only. I have no power to make decisions, to help or hurt my people, to inspire change. I am a figure head for the poor and for the rich alike. In different ways however. To the poor, I am the dream, the person to strive to be. To look to for comfort when peace is disrupted. But it is also a double edged sword. I am the person to envy, the person to despise and hate, to blame. I am to blame because we were born to different people, in different social classes, with society telling both of us what we must be, how we must act, and what we must think. I am the lucky bastard who was born with a silver spoon and they are the poor bastard who got the short end of the stick, who relentlessly gets kicked down every time they attempt to stand up right in the world without fail. I am the one to blame because if it wasn't for me and my _kind_ then they wouldn't have had it so rough, as if I am not human like them. Though I know I must concede because I do not know their struggle, not truly, and I'll never be able to understand. We may both be human but sometimes it seems that is all we're allowed to have in common. And how sad is it when that is all we can comfortably say we understand about each other?" I finish, slightly out of breath. He looks me in the eyes, not willing to give me the satisfaction of seeing him ashamed, and listens. To be fair, it is all I can ask without over stepping my bounds.

"For the rich, I am simply the physical embodiment of their idea of power, maybe even happiness. Again, I am something to strive to be, yet always and irrevocably untouchable. I exist to make them feel as if the centuries old way of ruling a state has not been forgotten. As if the golden ages of money, corruption, and greed has not been discarded. They plead with me to make changes, to make things right. I assume they refer to when anything could be bought and no one would care. When there were no consequences for anyone with enough money, not even realizing that that will never actually change. I find myself wishing for the same from time to time. And then I remember my history lessons. How no matter the time, no matter how just the laws, nor how prevailing the good intentions of a kind ruler really was, nothing ever changed. The end result was always the same. Always." Silence follows, he listens intently.

"It usually goes like this, there is peace for a short time. But change is inevitable and what else would follow peace, but chaos. People become complacent, they become accustomed to the standard of living they are exposed to. They forget the struggles of their ancestors, how bad it was before their own time. Justly so, however, don't misunderstand. The struggle for the common person changes. The struggles of the parent never seem to be the same as the struggle of their child. The comfort and ease never lasts as there are new challenges that become apparent, and slowly people start to wonder what would happen if life was different, if the rules and laws were changed. And the people who have nothing positive in life cling to this idea of change because the only way they can allow themselves to have hope is to change their world for the better themselves.

They long to be their own hero's in a world that will never offer any of its own. You see, the idea of a revolution never starts out extreme. It starts with people simply wanting to find hope in the world, realizing that if they want to make the world better then they need to make the change themselves. They often do not realize the repercussions of their actions for others and only see the results of their actions in regards to themselves. I realize that sounds like I am placing blame, I am not. I understand that it is hard to place others above oneself or to think of how one's actions could affect others, it is not easy and no one can carelessly go against their innate instinct of putting oneself first.

Though once people get desperate, once they've decided they've had enough, there is change. Once there is a spark of change a revolution will follow. There is dissent because, obviously, if there is unhappiness in life it is because of the systems ruling one's life. A group of like minded people come together, so sure that they have been wronged, they believe that any actions taken to make the situation _right_ cannot possibly be considered _wrong_.

So blinded by their cause, they forget we are all human. But to them it is not enough, because somehow we are not the same. We will never be the same.

Then there is a revolution, rooted with pure intentions of course. But as all things eventually morph, so do ideas. Corruption of-" I pause, "You know, corruption is such a…nasty word. It leaves a bad taste in your mouth and a slight twinge in your gut. It's displeasing only because of the definition we give it and the associations we make. Odd." I finish quietly as I remember the point I wanted to make.

"Anyways, the original idea, the heart if you will, of the revolution becomes corrupted. Then there is a serious change that everyone notices but no one ever speaks of. One side, either the revolution or the system of power, goes too far in someway. Maybe by loosing the point of the conflict, so caught up in simply winning that they discard all morals and human decency. One side, or probably both if we're being honest, become too careless. They become so unconcerned about the amount of casualties and disregard the weight of the immoral actions they take, as if claiming 'It's for the greater good! Surely you must understand?' justifies the pain and suffering caused," I pause, "Pathetic." I scoff.

"At some point it becomes clear to both parties that peace cannot be achieved and so they decide that the only way to have peace is to win, and to win is the ultimate decimation of the other side.

But somehow, killing is never enough. We, and by we I mean the human race, tend to portray killing as the worse thing we could do to others. Yet, our wars are never end with just killing. To put it simply, we torture. We torture with the intention of complete annihilation. We torture in a variety of ways, not just to destroy someone's physical being but their mind as well. And beyond a person, we intend to win wars by crippling the other side so completely that they can never recover. That's always the goal, because in order to win and stay the victor, you can never let your opponent have even a sliver of a chance to rise against you." Lawrence continues to stare, but still silent.

"Until the next revolution at least." I add as an afterthought.

"The winning side either comes to power or stays in power, either makes the change it wants or keeps the same rules. And over time, the winning side will eventually become the bully again, the one to beat, the one to rise up against.

And there will be another revolution. As I said, inevitable. With new ideas of a new generation, usually polar opposite compared to the previous generations. Extremists on both sides begin to sway others. It begins with small change at first, but the changes becomes the new normal. So we keep changing, as is our nature. For better or worse, though the being better or worse is entirely dependent on one's perception of the world. And it never ends, it will never end. I'm sick of it but there is nothing to do to change it.

Odd isn't it? Change is inevitable. Change will always be the constant, the thing that never changes." I finish with a light laugh, so completely opposite to what I actually feel in that moment.

"Paradox's are always intriguing in the most bittersweet of ways." Lawrence agrees. I turn to look at him to find him staring strangely at me.

"In another life, I believe you would have been a wonderful friend." He says absently, almost mournfully. "Your ideas are so similar to mine, we are just on opposite sides." He adds sadly and continues.

"I can admit when I'm wrong, so I feel as though I must confess to you that you are not at all what I believed. Such a cliché. You recognize that the people struggle and you understand, to an extent, the reason behind it. Yet you know you have no power to change it, in more ways than one. You recognize that you are a queen in name only so you have no true power over the people, but you also see you have great social importance. What you may or may not realize is that occasionally outweighs the political power of the Council. You seem want to change things for the better but have come to the conclusion that it simply isn't possible. To you, true peace is unattainable, because chaos always follows. There is a never ending cycle we all just barely grasp, and once we start to understand, we wish we didn't." I say nothing in response, though there are many things I yearn to put into words, to this one person who seems to have an inkling for what I'm trying to convey.

"However I seem to be rambling. As much as I understand what you are saying. I also find the opposite true as well. Is that even possible?" He asks, though I know it is rhetorical.

"I realize the truth in your words. And the essence of your own ramblings, is that chaos is inevitable and no matter what we do peace will not last. That is true yes, but the opposite is also true. After the chaos recedes, peace comes again. Peace is also inevitable. I know I'm not as smart as you, you with the education of a queen, and me, a simple common folk taught whatever was necessary to survive. But I believe I am smart enough to understand that life isn't about just accepting the inevitable, the horrid, or the miserable. Its about embracing what good comes your way. And in the face of inevitable chaos, relentlessly reaching out for the peace and happiness we all want.

And I know I cannot possibly do nothing to instigate the very change you see coming. You must know it's inevitable, you said it yourself. It seems we are at the very peak of chaos in this endless cycle. We both know what I am going to do, and whether it is right or wrong I must do what I feel is right. For myself and the others like me. The council is corrupt and I will overthrow it or die trying." He gives the ultimatum.

"I understand," I respond quietly, "When you are given a choice to do something or to do nothing, we often choose to do something. The thought of sitting back and just accepting what is to come, without trying to alter the outcome, is very unnatural. It is not in our nature to lay down and welcome death with ease. It is not in our nature to accept the negatives in life without at least trying to make it positive. It is not in our nature to accept misery." I concede. I know that as the leader of our era's revolution, he will do everything in his power to win. And unfortunately, as queen, so will I.

"We both have the same goal, but unfortunately it is not enough. We want peace but we both have different ideas of what peace is. You will try and maybe succeed in overthrowing the council. Thinking that it is that hardest thing you'll have to do, but I'm telling you it wont be. That's just step one. There are many consequences to your actions, some you nor I can see coming but they will happen. But I know what will happen. Many people will die. I know right now it seems as if the casualties on both sides are unthinkable but I promise you it can get worse. And I don't mean that as a threat. I want to prevent this, the unnecessary death and destruction but it seems we are passing the point of no return in this war. But beyond that, once you overthrow the council, what will you do? Who will lead? Will it be another council? Will you reinstitute the matriarchy? Maybe you have another go at a patriarchy. Just know that whatever you do, we will always come back to this. It'll just be quicker if you are uncertain about your future actions. Stability is necessary for a society to function properly. No matter which side wins, the victor needs to be certain because the moment you waiver you will be ruthlessly destroyed by your own people." I taunt.

"You do not concede to the council's rule or to my own, and jumped straight into a civil war without trying to alter the systems in place-" I urge as he interrupts,

"Lies! The people have begged for change. They beg to be heard, but the only ones the council hears are the council themselves. They are so wrapped up in their own little kingdom that they've completely ignored the rest of us-" He spits angrily as I in turn interrupt him,

"That is only true to a certain extent Lawrence! My gods, change is not immediate! Things are not going to magically change the second someone decides to speak up. There is a process and I know that people are unhappy it is such a slow one but that is the way it is and I - we - are trying to do the goddamn best we can with what we're given. I know it seems as though the council and I have been given everything and cannot possibly want to genuinely help the people we rule out of the kindness of our hearts but in truth, the absolute corruption of the wealthy and powerful is a fairytale concept you have been taught. There are good people and bad people everywhere, not all people in power are evil." I beg him to understand.

"And I know the council is corrupt, but not everyone is. You need to get it out of your head that everyone rich or with some form of power is corrupt. Some, maybe even most are, but the same exact thing can be said for the less fortunate. In your revolution, a good amount of you are also corrupt and are only fighting because they see a chance to make more money than you were. Still, others truly believe in the cause. But if all you see us as are the villains, we can never be anything else to you.

Personally, I want to make changes within the council and within our populace. There are others on the council who feel the same and there are others who don't. On both sides there is corruption and genuine desire to make things better. But things do not get better by giving into the cycle of chaos and peace. Do not run away the second it gets tough. Fix the broken system. Not by tearing it down and starting anew because eventually we'll be right back where we started. Instead, alter what is already here. Make it better, or at least try to. I'm not asking that you give up your fight, continue it by all means, please. Just do not fight to destroy the other side. Fight to rebuild it, because where we're at now is on the brink of destruction. Literally. There are people starving, senseless murders happening and going unpunished because there very systems in place to protect the people are under attack by the people. There is only so much our government can do when we are trying to hold us all together and oh my gods there is much more I could tell you that you just do not understand. That you just cant see. We need to work together in this." I plead.

"My queen, I am baffled. First you claim you have no true power and cannot stop this destruction at hand nor these reoccurring revolutions. You claim that revolution is inevitable as peace and chaos alike. Which, admittedly, is a lot to comprehend. You speak of philosophical ideas as if everyone can afford to dabble in such topics when they are just trying to survive in this world.

Then you ramble on about how a revolution is created, I assume in attempts to convince me that you understand the conflict at hand, and maybe you do. You repeat this idea of inevitability, of change, of revolutions, of chaos. Then I criticize your argument and remind you that, by your standards, peace is just as inevitable as chaos. To which I assume you accept as truth.

And when I tell you that although I understand your argument on the inevitability of all these things, I also know that I still must take action. You then patronize me like I am but a child, naïve to the workings of the world because in the face of helplessness I am still determined to act. You claim it is in my nature to do so, to not back down, yet claim I must do just that! That I must cease this fight and work with the very people I despise.

I'll admit you bring up a fair point about change not being immediate, but you need to realize that to the citizens, a delay in change can have dire consequences.

For example, a law in regards to taxes may decide the fates of countless families, they must decide whether to pay all that they have and starve or pay what they can and live to see another day only to be jailed and starve later on when they have no source of income and many mouths to feed. Because while the council fights amongst themselves about the issues at hand for as long as they deem necessary, people die as a direct result of their inaction. As much as we would love to concede and work together, we will not do so when we continue to starve and continue to be ignored." He says sagely.

"Your ideas have merit and they sound pleasant, but in reality, and I mean the here and now as countless die, your solution to wait for change and work together is no longer a possibility. As you said previously, we are passing the point of no return in this war. The Council's inaction and negligence brought us to this point and we will not give up until we are either dead or victorious. Maybe if this conversation had happened earlier before blood was spilt, and if it was between the council and the people, this all could have been prevented. However there is no point regretting past mistakes, all we can do is take action in the present. But you know my stance, and I hope you know I mourn the possibility of a peaceful future where we could have co-existed." He finishes gently.

"There is no convincing you then." I confirm sadly and he gives a small nod.

"I must confess that at the beginning of this enlightening conversation I was adamant about my position and the subject of the revolution along with the solution, I was so sure I was right but you have casted doubt and made me question my reasoning's.

My original points became a little convoluted, unfortunately. Despite this, I still come back to my belief that we need to work together. But I know that will never happen and I can see that I will regrettably be proven right, chaos is inevitable. The only way this will end is complete defeat of the other side, no matter how much I wish there were no sides. All that's left to say is goodbye, Lawrence. I hope you survive this war." I confide, I turn away and look back to the window as he turns to leave.

"I hope you survive as well, your grace." He replies earnestly as he silently slips out of the room. I turn back to where he once was, and hesitate. _Escaspe_ , I beg. But I know I cannot let that happen.

"Guards!" I yell to them, the four standing outside burst through the doors.

"Your majesty?" One questions.

"Capture Lawrence. When you seize him," I pause, "kill him." I say regretfully.

"Very well." They run out the doors. It is quiet for a brief period, before the guards yell at Lawrence to stop. I try not to listen as I hear his subsequent scream of agony and I feel a deep heaviness in my heart as silence follows. I cannot stop the intense and immediate guilt that fills me, somehow manifesting into a physical weight in my chest.

I allow a few tears to fall, allow a few minutes of mourning, and force myself to let go of the guilt. Ruthless is the heart of the one that wears the crown.


End file.
